


now i miss everything about you

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 17:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18975298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: The news breaks exactly twenty-eight hours after he finds out that they’re working together again.He gets a text from Karen - a rare occasion now that she’s off being a talented Hollywood star - that simply reads:‘What!!!! She didn’t mention anything to you, did she?’Followed by a link to an article online.He clicks it with slight trepidation, wondering what the hell the Scottish woman was going on about. He reads the headlines and his eyes widen when he sees a picture of Alex, teary-eyed, lugging two large suitcases from the house she shares -shared- with her now apparentlyex-fiance.





	now i miss everything about you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Special thanks to cassie as always, for being my wonderful beta reader and putting up with me. 
> 
> Story title from ‘I Never Told You’ by Colbie Caillat.

The news breaks exactly twenty-eight hours after he finds out that they’re working together again.

He gets a text from Karen - a rare occasion now that she’s off being a talented Hollywood star - that simply reads: ‘ _What!!!! She didn’t mention anything to you, did she?’_ Followed by a link to an article online.

He clicks it with slight trepidation, wondering what the hell the Scottish woman was going on about. He reads the headlines and his eyes widen when he sees a picture of Alex, teary-eyed, lugging two large suitcases from the house she shares - _shared_ \- with her now apparently _ex_ -fiance.

_Third time’s a charm? Not for Alex Kingston, seen mere hours ago leaving her LA house in tears and lugging what could quite possibly be every piece of clothing she owns. Alex Kingston’s public engagement to Hollywood film producer Darrell Grady - what was supposed to be her third marriage - could possibly be at its end._

_The reason for her hasty exit is unclear, though sources say that she is merely taking a break from home life and dedicating more time to work, as her new TV show starts filming in a week. One would question why she would need to move so many things as the studio where the show is filming is a mere twenty-minute drive from the neighbourhood where her fiance currently resides._

_Kingston and Grady’s engagement had come as no surprise to anyone, as the couple could usually be spotted by fans out and about, sharing many intimate moments with one another in the public eye. After a year of dating, Kingston had revealed that he had finally popped the question while they were on vacation to France, and had even giggled giddily while describing how he’d got down on one knee._

_“It was very private,” she’d said, during a panel at Ottawa Comic Con in 2018. “We’d been out sight-seeing for hours and when we got back, there were roses on the bed-”_

Matt scrolls past the description quickly, feeling something in his heart ache. He ignores the feeling and finds the conclusion to the article quickly, scouring for more information.

_While we mourn the loss of quite honestly one of the purest couples in Hollywood, we won’t have to mourn the loss of Alex Kingston on our screens for much longer. She is reunited with one of her former co-stars from Doctor Who, Matt Smith, in her new TV series which is set to air next fall on HBO._

There hadn’t been any verbal confirmation, nor was there any _real_ evidence - well, the picture captured of her in tears is quite compelling evidence, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she isn’t _engaged_ anymore. They could’ve just had a minor falling out. Nothing had been confirmed yet.

“This is nothing. She is _taken_ ,” he reminds himself sternly, steeling himself.

 _Damn_ Karen for sending him that article. Sure, she didn’t know that he’s been pining like a fool for over eight years now for Alex, but still. He didn’t need to be given hope like that, only for it to be taken away when he receives their wedding invitation. Or when he sees her next week.

Next week. It still feels so very surreal to him, that time had passed by so quickly since his Who days and it’s now been almost a year since he’s seen her - and she’d gotten _engaged_ in that year. To be married. To someone else.

It was all his fault, he knows. He should’ve bucked up and told her sooner. He could’ve been happy by now - with her. He could’ve been the one waking up next to her, brushing those untamable curls out of her hair and kissing her awake. He could’ve been the one wearing a matching ring on his finger, pledging to spend the rest of his life with her.

But he’d taken too long. He never should’ve let so much time pass by them without calling her, or initiating any sort of contact with her. But God, when the news broke that she’d gotten engaged to someone else he could _swear_ that he’d heard his heart shatter like glass being dropped on the floor. When he’d read that article that had announced it - he just couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it coming.

He’d cried himself to sleep, blind drunk in his London apartment that night. Images of her imprinted behind his eyelids as he slept - as they always were. But he’d never felt that kind of pain before. The kind that shook you to your core, the kind that seeped into your bones and glued itself under your skin. The kind that weighed everything down onto your shoulders and wrapped a pair of arms around you. The kind that surrounded everything you did.

He remembers that night. He’d never allowed himself to remember until now. He was always too afraid that if he did, then he’d call her up immediately and make a fool out of himself.

He remembers nights. So many nights with her. Drinking and talking, alone or with Karen and Arthur, laughing and teasing each other. He remembers flirting. He remembers lingering touches and suggestive words and sexy winks. They were always exceptional at flirting with each other - she was just exceptional. He remembers long talks alone with her, with Arthur and Karen passed out on the couch together, sharing the leftover wine and talking about anything and everything. He remembers quiet, intimate moments on set, in bars, at her flat or his, just looking at her. Looking at her face, in awe of her beauty and elegance in a way he’s never admired anyone before.

He remembers the moment he realised he’d fallen in love with her.

He remembers the last day they’d filmed The Angels Take Manhattan in New York, and how she’d looked in that beautiful black dress. She’d noticed him looking a few times, but he didn’t try to hide it. She deserved to know how beautiful she was, every day. And he wanted to be the one to tell her.

But he hadn’t. He didn’t tell her, and he didn’t even try - at least, not until their very last day together, filming The Name of the Doctor.

He remembers his throat getting stuck when he tried telling her how she made his knees weak, how he slept every night thinking of her, how he imagined it would feel like to kiss her without cameras around them. She’d waited for him to leave set after their last scene together, after he’d suggested getting drinks together - for old time’s sake.

He’d been _so_ close to getting it out. She’d been beautiful, and they’d been drinking, and before he knew it, she was drunk. He couldn’t tell her in that condition. She wouldn’t even know what he was really saying.

But he’d said it anyway.

_“I love you, Kingston,” he whispers into her hair as he gives her a hug. She’s tipsy, but she isn’t walking funny, which is a good sign. “So, so much.”_

_“I love ya too, Matt,” she answers, her words slurring slightly. His heart aches for it to mean something else. “‘M gonna miss ya.”_

_He presses a kiss to her hair, lingering there for slightly longer than considered appropriate, and inhaling the scent of shampoo. He feels tears burning his eyes and shuts them tight, wishing he could stay in this moment forever. Holding her in his arms, stroking a hand down her back, breathing in the smell of her hair and her perfume - perfect. Just perfect._

_He feels empty and hollow the moment he lets go. He’d had one chance - but he’d waited too long. She’ll go back to America tomorrow, and they won’t see each other until - until whenever. And he’ll still be in love with her, he knows._

Some part of him had hoped that maybe she’d remember - that she’d wake up the next day and think that something had been slightly off about him the previous night - but if she did notice, she didn’t say a word. Not at the conventions, not at each other’s plays, not at Arthur’s wedding - none.

He didn’t have the strength to say it again after that.

He thinks of that last tender moment between them a lot. Of not just his arms around her, but her arms around him, accepting and giving him love - even if it isn’t the kind he wants from her. He thinks about holding her in his arms when he’s alone at night, when he’s so lonely he can hardly breathe.

He doesn’t try to find anyone else. It’s all pointless, anyway - he knows his heart will only ever belong to one person, and she doesn’t want it. But it’s okay. It’s hers to keep anyway.

The day he found out she’d be getting married again, he went out to buy beer - just in case - and then locked himself in his room and drank. He was so, so angry at himself. Why couldn’t he just suck it up and tell her? He had at least six years of opportunities to do so - why couldn’t he just say the words to her?

He couldn’t say the words, so he wrote them down. Every single thing he wanted to say but couldn’t, every moment he treasured, every thought, every feeling. The words poured out of him as he sat and drank and wrote, until he could no longer feel his fingers around the pen. He folded the letter up and placed it in one of his desk drawers.

And that was it. He’d said everything.

A frantic knock startles him out of his thoughts, and a quick glance at his phone tells him that he’s been staring at the photo of Alex for almost five full minutes. Clearing his throat awkwardly and taking a sip of his morning tea, he throws the phone back down onto the bed and hurries to the door to see who’s on the other side.

He opens the door absent-mindedly, tea cup still in hand.

“Hi,” Alex says, attempting a small smile but failing. Her eyes are puffy and her nose is red, but other than that, she looks quite normal. “I know I should’ve called ahead, but I - well, I have nowhere else to go, and I really don’t want to be alone right now, so - could I just - just stay with you for a bit?”

“Alex,” Matt stares, shell-shocked, his mouth hung open. “I -”

“It’s over,” Alex interrupts, and she looks like she’s been itching to say it out loud for the longest time. Her shoulders lose all tension and she sighs in relief before looking him in the eye. “Darrell and I - we’re over. And I don’t want to stay at a hotel where they might call the paps on me, so could I please just - just camp out here for a few days?”

“I-ye-no, yeah, sure, come on in,” he says finally, once he gets over his initial shock at her appearance. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologises again. Suddenly, a thought occurs to her and she gasps in horror. “Do you have someone over? I’m so sorry, I can leave-”

“No, no, it’s okay - where did you get that idea from?” he asks.

“It’s just - on Who, you usually had some girl over -” she begins, and he waves his hand in the air.

“Got through that phase a long time ago,” he says, hastily clearing the couch of dirty throws and shirts. He hurriedly gathers them in his arms to make space for her to sit. “It’s good to see you, Alex. Really. I’m sorry about the -”

He gestures vaguely to the ring she’s still wearing on her hand, and she sighs.

“I suppose it’s time to take it off now,” she says, slipping it off her finger. She pockets it, and he can’t help the way she carefully handles it as if she still treasures it. He wonders if it’s because of the value of the ring or because of the memories it holds. Knowing Alex, it’s probably the latter. He knows it's silly - it's her _fiance,_ for God's sake, of course she misses him - but still his heart aches just slightly at the thought.

“If you want to talk about it or something,” he swallows, watching at how she bows her head to try and hide the sadness. He doesn’t like seeing her sad. “I’m here. I mean, I live here, so I’m not going anywhere, but-”

She manages a weak laugh and looks up at him, smiling slightly. He offers her a smile back.

“-you know,” he finishes lamely.

She nods once. “Thank you,” she says. Her smile turns wistful and she tilts her head at him. “You’ve really grown, Matt.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?”

“Good,” she says, studying his face carefully and smiling wider. He feels his heart skip a little. “Definitely good.” She looks around the flat. “I feel really bad springing this on you when we’ve barely seen each other this past year. I’m sorry, Matt. I should’ve kept in touch more.”

“Hey, it’s not all your fault,” he says, sitting down next to her once he throws the dirty laundry into the hamper. “Staying in touch goes both ways, you know. And don’t worry about crashing here - you’re always welcome, Kingston. I mean it.”

“I know you do,” she says. “It’s one of the things I’ve missed the most about you, you know.”

“Yeah?”

“Same old, reliable Matt.” She smiles warmly at him, and he feels his heart fill quite suddenly at the way she’s looking at him. She leans into his shoulder and hugs his arm gently, just like she used to back when they were on Who, and a bit of nostalgia tugs at his heart. “I’m glad to have a friend like you.”

*

Alex settles in quite smoothly after. Matt helps her move her luggage to the spare bedroom and shows her around the spacious flat.

“You should really get some plants in here, Matt,” she says, when he shows her the bare balcony. “It’ll look much better.”

He shrugs. “Don’t really have time to look after plants,” he says. “And I don’t have an eye for them like you do.”

“I can help you pick some up,” she suggests, her eyes bright and excited. “And you know, I could help you take care of them.”

Matt frowns. “What do you mean?”

She shrugs. “Gives us a reason to keep in touch once we’re done with this show.”

She smiles, and it’s something sweet and tender - it’s a promise. He gives her his own grin.

“I’d like that.”

He makes her tea and breakfast and she has a mild panic attack when she opens the fridge and discovers it’s empty.

“Don’t worry - I have a guy who delivers groceries to me weekly. It’s convenient,” he explains, and she cocks her head at him.

“Well, unless you told him to buy groceries for _two_ , darling, I think you’ll find that we’ll be out of food by Wednesday,” she points out.

He nods absent-mindedly, too distracted by the fact that she’d called him _darling_ for the first time in a year. Oh, how he’s missed being her darling.

“So will your delivery guy be able to come back on Thursday to deliver more food?” she asks expectantly, as if she’s been waiting for a reply.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll bring him up to speed,” he responds hurriedly, not wanting to be caught daydreaming. “Um - but just so I know what to tell him, will you be staying here until filming ends? Because you can, you know -”

“Oh, don’t worry, darling, I’m sure all the news will die down eventually and I can get a room at a hotel, no worries at all -”

“Definitely no worries at all, Kingston, if you stay here. It’s cheaper and easier, and we can drive to set together! It’ll be just like on Who.”

“Oh, but I couldn’t ask you to give up your space for me, Matt,” she protests.

“I haven’t seen you in a year. Besides, I don’t mind. Come on, Alex, just say yes - pretty please? I promise I won’t use up all the hot water.” He sticks his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout and widens his eyes at her slightly, giving her his classic puppy dog face that always made her laugh.

She contemplates it for a moment. “Okay,” she agrees finally. He gives her a ginormous grin. “But,” she stresses, “I’m going to pay for the groceries and help cook on weekends.”

“We can cook together,” he offers. “It’ll be a fun activity! Besides, you’re already doing the plants and stuff.”

“That’s not enough for me repay you!”

“But you don’t have to repay me. Friends, remember?” he says, and he supposes he should be grateful that he can be her friend at all.

She smiles thankfully up at him and take a sip of tea before looking down at it disdainfully.

“What? What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Do you happen to have any rum, by chance?” she asks hopefully. “I’m craving something a smidge stronger.”

He reaches into his liquor cabinet and takes out a half-empty bottle of rum. He didn’t quite fancy the liquid - he only owned one bottle because it had been a gift from when he’d completed filming on _The Crown_. He only brings it out when he has a guest that specifically requests it, but for Alex he’ll stock his entire stash with rum from her favourite brand.

“Thank you,” she says as he hands her the bottle. She screws the top off and pours a generous amount into her tea, not even mixing it before bringing it up to her lips again and taking a generous sip. Matt watches in amusement as she seems to relax visibly, tension seeping out of her frame as the alcohol slides down her throat. “Much better. Do you mind if I keep this?”

“Not at all. Though if you want some more we’ll have to go out and buy some,” he tells her.

“I’ll live with what’s in your cabinet until your delivery boy can buy us some on Thursday,” she says.

He nods and takes another sip of his tea, watching her pour more rum into her cup - at this point he’s certain it’s more rum than tea. He smiles, remembering how she used to do exactly this every time something was stressing her out, when they were on the set of Who.

Whether it was her daughter or her ex-husband or someone else that had upset her, she would always make herself a cup of tea and pour rum into it. She’d never drink enough to get tipsy, but he knows that this time it’s much different. She’s hurting much more now than she was then - that much was obvious, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

“You can tell me, you know, if you want to,” he says casually, draining the last bit of his tea and placing his cup in the sink.

She smiles sadly at him. “I don’t think I can bear to talk about it just yet, darling. But thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” She sets the cup down on her saucer and looks at him. “If you do have plans today, you can go on. I promise I’ll be alright on my own.”

He looks offended at the very thought. “I’m not leaving you alone after not seeing you for a year! Do you really think I would do that? Honestly, Kingston, I thought you’d think better of me than that!”

She chuckles at his overly-exaggerated response. “Of course not. I just came out of the blue without warning and I know you’re a busy man, Matt. The week’s only just started.”

“I’ll have you know that I don’t have any plans,” he lies easily. He does have plans - unimportant ones compared to Alex, ones he can reschedule and make time for another day - but Alex doesn’t have to know that. “So you’ll be spending the day with same old, reliable Matt.”

She smiles at him over the rim of her tea cup. “Sounds just fine to me.”

*

They spend the day at home catching up, watching old movies on Netflix and sitting around on the couch. They laugh about how Alex thought the delivery boy was a burglar and how she’d almost hit him over the head with a frying pan before he got the chance to explain who he was. They reminisce about their Who days, about Utah and New York and rainy, rainy Cardiff. They talk about the other projects they’ve done over the years, and how nice it’ll be to act with each other again.

“I’m personally hoping for some kisses,” he jokes.

“On or off-camera?” she flirts back, and he’s so happy he could scream with joy.

The laughter dies down abit and he sighs happily, looking across the couch at her. He takes a swig of his beer and watches as she does the same, watching the line of her throat as she swallows.

“I’ve honestly missed talking to you,” he says.

“Me too. It’ll be nice, won’t it? These few months together,” she says. She reaches out to clasp his hand briefly. “I really don’t know how to thank you for helping me, Matt. You have no idea how much I really needed it today.”

“Anytime, Alex. Really.”

She gives him a soft smile and finishes the last few sips of her beer, standing up and clearing all the trash they’ve left around the table. They hadn’t felt like cooking, so they ordered some Thai takeaway and left the boxes on the coffee table as they watched TV.

“Hey, you don’t need to do that -”

“It’s fine, let me help. You look exhausted.” She smiles down at him and bends to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll take the garbage out. Go to bed.”

“Thanks,” he says quietly as she takes the empty beer bottle from him.

Only when he lays down on his bed does he realise. Alex Kingston is in his house. And she’ll be here for _months_.

Alex Kingston - the love of his life - will be sleeping mere metres away from him. She’ll be in his guest bedroom, using his guest bathroom, and his guest bed sheets and pillows will smell like her. This will be his life for the next few months.

His heart aches even more, if it’s possible. So near, yet so incredibly far.

He doesn’t get to sleep until dawn. He lays awake in his bed, exhausted, but not tired enough, his brain working tirelessly and thinking what could come out of this - out of living together with Alex. Can he really try to woo her while she’s in such a vulnerable state? What will he even _do_ ? She’s _Alex Kingston_ \- she’ll hardly be impressed by _same old, reliable Matt._

And honestly, what could he offer that she doesn’t already have?

 _Love,_ his heart whispers. _Pure, unconditional love._

He sighs, turning over in his bed and staring at the empty side. He wishes Alex would lay next to him. Her mere presence will be enough to soothe him into an easy sleep. But he knows that if he wants Alex anywhere near his bed, he’ll have to earn it first.

But does she even want him? She just got out of an engagement, for God’s sake. People don’t fall out of love with their fiance in a mere twelve hours.

He honestly wants to scream. He knows he won’t ever feel good about himself if he pursues her while she’s emotionally vulnerable like she is now. It won’t feel sincere - it’ll feel like he’s a mere rebound, and he doesn’t want that from her. He wants it all.

He’ll wait, he decides. Filming ends in six months - if by then, she hasn’t got back together with her ex, then he’ll try.

*

He doesn’t have to wait that long, however.

It’s four weeks into filming. They’ve done about two episodes and they’re starting on the next one for the series. Since this episode focuses much more on Matt’s character than Alex’s, he’s required to stay longer. Though Alex had offered to wait for him so they can go back together, he’d declined - mainly because she looked so very exhausted. He’s quite sure something had happened yesterday while he was at work that has her so stressed out.

He texts her not to cook - that he’ll pick something up from that Greek restaurant she likes. She doesn’t answer, so he assumes that it’s a go and he gets their usual, with a little extra dessert in case she’s feeling particularly indulgent today.

It’s been quite nice living with her. She’s a very considerate roommate - not that he hadn’t known that before. It’s just nice to know that things hadn’t changed as much as he thought they had.

The story of her engagement made every entertainment news outlet there was in LA - and that was saying something. He hadn’t realised that Alex and Darrell had been the ‘it’ couple until he saw so very many pictures of them kissing and hugging and laughing together. Every time he saw a photo like that of the two of them he imagines himself to be in Darrell’s shoes because oh, what a lucky man he’d be to be with her.

He tried to quell the jealousy and anger he felt at Darrell. While Alex hadn’t made any reason for the abrupt ending of their engagement known to the public, he could tell that Darrell had done something horribly wrong to betray Alex’s trust like that. And while rumours popped in and out of the tabloids, he could tell that Alex was doing her best at ignoring them all, ignoring the pitiful looks and the sympathetic articles that all speculated that history had repeated itself - that she’d been left for someone else.

Alex hadn’t done anything to confirm or deny the validity of those rumours - which made Matt even more cautious. Whatever happened between them had to be so dire that she’d never want to speak of it. Matt had never been one to think up rumours, but with Alex’s happiness compromised, he couldn’t help it. What had Darrell done?

Alex still hasn’t said anything about what happened between she and Darrell. He didn’t push, knowing that if she wanted to, she’d tell him in her own time. He couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit curious - what had gone so wrong between them, when they looked so perfect with each other?

He hated admitting it, even to himself, but Alex had looked genuinely happy in all those photos with Darrell. And they looked _good_ together. They were compatible.

That was the only comfort he’d had, back in London when the news of the engagement was announced. She looked happy. Very happy - and he had no intention disrupting that happiness that she’d found. If anyone deserved a happy ending, it was Alex.

But now - now they aren’t. Now they’re separated, and everything’s breaking off.

He sighs to himself. If only he knew whether or not Alex still wanted Darrell - if she didn’t, he could make her happy. Promise her the world, and give it to her.

He picks up the Greek food and thinks about how much happier he’s been since Alex came to him almost five weeks ago. It feels so natural being with her - like a part of his every day routine now, and he’s afraid of what’s going to happen when she leaves again.

He knows he can’t let another opportunity to tell her pass him by like this. He needs her to know before she leaves or he won’t be able to live with himself. He’s already been torturing himself at night, thinking of ‘what ifs’. What if he’d been brave enough to tell her during one of those conventions? What if he hadn’t let them grow apart? Would she have fallen for him, too?

But he’s been in love with her for almost a decade now and he still hasn’t _done_ anything about it - which honestly seems the tiniest bit pathetic to him. He’s been pining over the same woman for nearly ten _years_. Dear God, what was he doing?

He brings a hand over his face as he sits in his car, sighing to himself in the darkness and looking at his reflection in the rearview mirror. He’s so goddamn lucky a chance to spend time with Alex like this has fallen into his lap - he’s quite sure that if it hadn’t, they would’ve drifted even further apart. And he would be left pining for the rest of his miserable life.

He starts his car and pulls out of the parking space, thinking about Alex. Since the first day, she’d been true to her word and went out to get some plants for his balcony - mostly cactuses and whatnot, since he doesn’t have time to take care of them. But she did bring back one lovely tulip plant with the lot. She took special care of it, watering it every day and sitting by it when she was memorising her lines. She said that the pink and purple hues of the petals calmed her.

She’s also been doing most of the cooking around the house, despite his protests. He tries to insist that she doesn’t have to, but she’s never been one to back down without a thorough fight. In the end, he’d conceded defeat and let her do as she pleased, on the condition that she leave most of the housework to him.

They do have certain moments of awkwardness. Like when she saw him getting out of the shower stark naked by accident one morning, yelped and turned straight around. She’d apologised for invading his space, but he reassured her it was fine and that was that. Nothing much.

But then the opposite had happened: as recently as a week ago, she’d been coming out of the shower having forgotten her robe and he’d been there to deliver her clean laundry. He stood, completely frozen, when she came out completely bare, wet, and thoroughly scrubbed, steam trailing behind her like she’s some sort of water angel from the heavens.

She’d screamed when she saw him, and he’d screamed too, jumping to cover his eyes and feel for the door while apologising profusely for staring. He didn’t wait for her to say anything, though he could tell she was trying to tell him something, but the embarrassment and mortification at the fact that he’d been caught _blatantly staring_ at her naked body preceded everything else and he ran to his room, taking giant breaths to calm down - and hoping that his _fucking_ erection would go away.

Of all the times to see her naked - beautiful as she was, he didn’t want her to think he was some kind of pervert wanting to spy on her. She hadn’t brought it up and he hadn’t either, still too mortified at the entire situation - and even more so at the fact that he’d had to jerk himself off in his private bathroom after the fact - to even talk about it.

Thankfully, though, that hadn’t affected their good routine much. There was some slight awkwardness at first, red cheeks when they saw each other and clearing throats to fill the silence, but once they got a conversation going, it was easy to forget. When she was with him.

But when he was alone in bed at night, there was nothing he could do to stop his mind from conjuring pictures of Alex beneath him, naked and sweaty and beautiful. He imagined himself touching and caressing her in every way, imagined her writhing in passion and ecstasy as he kissed between her legs, imagined her moaning out breathily as he thrust into her deeply.

Even as he felt slightly ashamed of himself, he just couldn’t help it. His mind stubbornly refused to stop conjuring those erotic images at night, and every night he was forced to jerk off in bed.

He felt so mortified knowing that Alex was right next door. If she found him one of these nights, thinking about her, she’d surely never look him in the eye again. But he had no idea how to stop it - a tiny part of him wasn’t even sure if he _wanted_ to.

He turns into the street where he lives, silently hoping that Alex hadn’t fallen asleep yet. There’s a slight chance that she has, since paparazzi have been following them ever since they found out she was staying with him - and have been since she broke off the engagement. There were loads more nasty rumours about _that_ , but Matt didn’t mind since most people seem to know they weren’t true.

He parks the car and walks the short distance towards his apartment block, taking the stairs instead of the lift since it’s nearer to his apartment. As he climbs, he hears voices shouting, growing louder and louder as he approaches the fifth floor - the floor he’s staying on - and he realises with a jolt that one of the voices belong to Alex.

Quickening his pace, his heart beating loudly in his chest as he wonders whether or not Alex might be in some sort of danger, he pushes through the door and sees Alex.

She’s with _Darrell_.

“I don’t ever want to see your fucking face again, Darrell, I mean it,” she says, calmly, but with a fierce and rough tone of voice that’s impossible to miss.

“C’mon, Alex, I won’t do it again, I promise. I was desperate and -”

“You _stole_ from me!” she exclaims, still maintaining her volume but her glare much more pronounced now. “You promised you were done with all that rubbish and you went behind my back and stole from me. Worse, you stole from _Salome_.”

“I’m sorry, Alex, I’m sorry, okay?” he apologises, desperate and pleading, and Matt would feel sorry if he didn’t know what he’d done. But now that he knows, Darrell Grady can rot for all he cares. “I was in debt and I really needed to pay it all off at once but I’ll pay you back, I swear, just, please come back -”

“You will pay back every single cent that you took from Salome,” Alex says, her eyes red but not looking at all convinced by Darrell’s display. “Every _single_ cent, Darrell, and I bloody well mean it.”

“I will. I will, I promise-”

“Don’t come back here again,” Alex interrupts. “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear from you.”

“Come on, baby, we can try. I’ll be better. You make me better,” Darrell says quietly, but Alex shakes her head.

“I _tried_ to help you. More than once. I can’t anymore,” she looks away and spots Matt, watching the conversation silently. She turns back to her ex-fiance. “Please leave.”

“Don’t do this, Alex, please,” Darrell begs.

“You heard her, mate.” Matt steps in, speaking for the first time. Darrell turns to him in surprise, and so does Alex, but Matt only locks eyes with the man. “Lift’s that way.”

“Sorry, man, but this is kind of a private matter.”

“Your private matter is taking place on the doorstep of my house,” Matt says, walking to stand in front of the man. He can see Alex biting her lip, wondering whether or not to intervene. But ultimately she does nothing, so Matt continues. “So please leave, or I’ll have to call security to escort you out.”

Darrell turns to Alex, his face contorted in anger. “So this is who you’re sleeping with now?”

“It’s not any of your business who I’m sleeping with now.” Alex answers coldly.

“He’s half your age!” he exclaims, eyes wild and looking dangerous.

“Like she said,” Matt says calmly, “it’s none of your business. Leave.”

Darrell looks between the two of them and decides he’s been overpowered, because he sneers as he approaches Matt, until they’re chest-to-chest. Matt doesn’t back down, maintaining eye contact so that he can see that he isn’t afraid.

“She might be fucking you now,” he says softly, “but don’t forget that she _loves_ me. You’re just a dick for her to use, _mate_.”

He turns and leaves without another word.

Matt stands there, jaw and hands clenched, watching with a hard glare as Darrell turns and walks away. He doesn’t move until the other man leaves his line of sight.

He feels a warm hand on his chest, and looks down to see Alex, worry on her face.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“I should be the one asking you that,” he says, managing a tight smile. “Come on, we should go in. I bought Greek food.”

They don’t say another word as they bring out utensils and plates to set the food in, and once they settle down to eat the silence is so uncomfortable that Alex is the one to break it.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” she says quietly, looking down at her food.

“It’s alright. I’m glad I came in time,” Matt answers, trying to be casual about the entire situation.

“He wouldn’t have hurt me - not physically. He’s not like that,” Alex says, eyes wide as she looks at Matt.

He swallows gingerly. “Well, what’s he like, then?”

“He’s… complicated, as people often are.” Alex shrugs. “But he’s not a bad person.”

“Alex…” Matt clears his throat and puts down his fork to look at her. “Did you say he stole from you?”

Alex’s eyes avert from his and she shuts them for a moment, sighing deeply. She puts down her fork too, and seems to gather herself for a moment.

“He’s a gambler. He always has been. I found out a few months into our relationship,” she starts, and there’s a far-off look in her eye that makes Matt think she’s reliving everything - the good and the bad times with Darrell. “I tried helping him. I took him to meetings, made myself available to him whenever he had the urge to gamble, I even lent him money to pay off all the debts he had. He paid me back eventually, and I thought it was all good - but it kept happening. He kept relapsing and - and I helped him every way I could, but - but then he started stealing from me. I knew something was wrong but I just turned a blind eye because I didn’t want to believe that he was capable of it.

“But then Salome came to me one night, and she told me that she couldn’t find the diamond necklace I gave her for her graduation. She also mentioned that when she looked over her credit card statement there were some really big charges she never made. She said that the last time she saw the necklace and used her card was when she was staying over at our house. I started putting two and two together, and when I realised it was him, that was it. I just - I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried helping him, Matt, I swear, but - but I just can’t.”

“Hey,” Matt says softly, reassuringly, grabbing her hand from across to table to comfort her. “You did your best. That’s all you can do, in the end. Know that you tried everything.”

Alex nods, and he can see that she’s visibly holding back tears. “I thought I’d finally got something I’ve always wanted.” A tear escapes and she wipes at it hastily, sniffing. “But I didn’t. It just never works out for me, does it?”

He squeezes her hand as a show of support. She smiles gratefully up at him.

“Do you still love him?” he finds himself asking. The words escape before his brain can stop his lips, and he almost kicks himself at the surprise that shows on Alex’s face.

She frowns thoughtfully. “I do,” she answers finally, her voice quiet. Matt nods, feeling his heart break again - what answer was he expecting, honestly? “But… it isn’t the same. I don’t love him as much as I did once, as much as I know I can love someone. And I don’t think I can ever forgive or trust him again.”

“You don’t?” Matt tries to keep himself from sounding hopeful.

She shakes her head. “No. I… I can’t help him anymore. He has to be willing to get better by himself.”

“I’m sorry,” Matt says.

Alex smiles up at him - a genuine, grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being the same old, reliable you,” she says simply, and she picks up her fork again and begins to eat.

Her hand remains clasped in his.

*

He mulls over everything she’d said at dinner once he goes to bed. She’d said she still loves Darrell - but not in the way she once did. Not as much as she once did. And she’d said that she can’t forgive or trust him again - that had to mean that she doesn’t want to get back together with him, right? And that Matt was free to woo her?

He sighs, rubbing his tired eyes as he lays back in bed and stares up at the dark ceiling. What should he do now? Alex isn’t getting back together with Darrell. She isn’t taken anymore.

 _Take your shot, Smith_ , a voice in his head tells him.

But he doesn’t want her to think that he’s been nice to her all this while because he’s secretly been in love with and pining for her.

And what would the tabloids say? What would they write about Alex if they see her moving on with someone else barely a month after her engagement ends? It would be foolish not to expect any backlash, especially given their ages and the current situation.

 _Stop making excuses,_ the voice in his head hisses at him. _The last time you did this she ended up engaged and you almost lost your chance. Don’t be an idiot again._

He can’t help it. He _is_ an idiot. He’s an idiot for letting her slip through his fingers all those years ago, time and time again. And now that he has this - screw what everyone else thinks. He’s finally got the chance to be with Alex - to be with the woman of his dreams.

And he’d be a complete, blithering _fool_ if doesn’t take it. If he isn’t careful, this chance could slip away as easily as all the other times. If he does this properly, maybe he can finally get that happy ending he’s dreamt of since he fell in love with Alex almost a decade ago. And maybe Alex can get everything she’s wanted, too.

He decides then, alone at night, his mind racing with thoughts of Alex. He’ll tell her - slowly, surely, until she knows that it’s for real and he isn’t joking about it. He’ll let her know so that she absolutely _can’t_ miss the message or misinterpret it. He needs her to know that he’s completely, absolutely, stupidly in love with her.

*

Over the next two months, he’s been trying even harder to get her attention. Bringing her favourite tea on set and spending his break with her instead of alone in his trailer, texting her randomly about things the director says when she isn’t around, making sure his liquor cabinet has enough gin and rum for her.

In addition to that, he’s also been flirting with her more. Complimenting her, teasing her, letting his hands linger just long enough for her to wonder if it was accidental. She’s starting to notice and put two and two together, he’s sure - just a little bit more and she’ll finally ask. Hopefully.

Ever since Darrell came to visit, it seems like an air has lifted around Alex. Matt had gone so long without her that he hadn’t noticed the very slight difference in her attitude - but after the confrontation with her ex, she seemed lighter somehow. Like a weight has been lifted around her shoulders. Like a dark cloud that had been over her head had drifted off to make way for the sun.

She hasn’t gotten any more unwanted visits from her ex, but she still gets calls from him. Matt can sometimes see her discreetly deleting his texts without reading them and declining his calls. It makes him feel a little better about everything he’s doing - though he would feel a lot better if the picture of Darrell and Alex kissing and the contact name _Fiance_ was changed, but he can live with that. It’s only been about three months, after all.

He stares at his reflection in the mirror, his chin covered in shaving cream. Both he and Alex have the day off for today and half of tomorrow, which means that hopefully he’ll be able to convince her to go for a walk in the park or maybe even a movie.

He knows it’s probably not wise to feed the rumour mill even more than they already have. There are paparazzi camped outside the apartment block, hoping to catch them in some kind of intimate act, but both he and Alex have been carefully avoiding all of them.

He finishes his shaving routine easily and washes his face - but he gets soap in his eyes. Wincing through the stinging pain, he tries to turn and reach for the towel that he knows is hanging just to the left of him and -

His foot slips on the wet tiles of the bathroom and he falls, his torso twisted at an odd angle as he was reaching out for the towel. He hears a small _crack_ when his back collides with the floor, followed by a horrifying pain where he’d hurt his back as a teenager.

“Fuck!” he shouts, lying down on the floor. He tries to get up but is in too much pain to move, and in the end, he resigns to just laying on the floor until Alex finds him. “Alex! _Alex!_ ”

“Matt? Matt, what -” she cuts off when she enters the bathroom and sees him sprawled on the floor, towel around his waist. Her eyes widens as she catches the excruciating pain in his features. “Oh God, what happened? Are you alright? Can you get up?”

She bends and grabs hold of both his arms, trying to get him to sit up - he manages, but not without a little pain shooting up his back again. He winces and she notices, studying his face intently.

“I fell,” he explains. “I was washing my face and got soap in my eye, so I turned to grab a towel, but I slipped and fell. And I think my back’s fucked.”

“Your back?” she repeats, rounding him to check. She presses her fingers very lightly into a tender spot at his lower back and he hisses in pain. “I really think you’ve got to get that checked, darling. Come on, up you get. I’ll take you to the hospital.”

Honestly in no position to argue - and to be honest, he doubts he would’ve anyway since Alex was taking such good care of him - he stands with some assistance.

“Get dressed. I’ll wait for you out there. Shout for me if you need anything,” Alex tells him, shutting the door to give him some privacy.

He sits on his bed, sighing as he looks at his closet. How on Earth is he supposed to put his clothes on when his back hurts every time he moves?

“Fucking shit,” he sighs.

*

“The doctor said he’ll be okay with a few days’ rest. Four days at most,” Alex says into the phone. She’s talking to their director, John, about rescheduling their scenes so that Matt can rest and Alex can take care of him, since there isn’t anyone else available. “I’ll let you know if anything else comes up. Thanks so much, John. And Matt apologises again.”

Matt is lying down, fully dressed, on his bed again after the trip to the hospital. It had been quick - the doctor had informed him that the fall caused his old injury to act up again and as a result, he’s been put on bed rest to ensure that no more damage comes to his back. He’ll be able to make a full recovery as long as he takes his painkillers, applies a special ointment every night to soothe his skin, and doesn’t engage in any kind of strenuous activity whatsoever.

So, to put it simply, he’s been tied to his bed for the next three nights.

It isn’t exactly the type of tying up that he had hoped Alex would do to him, but he supposes he’d take this over nothing. If anything, it allowed him to see the loving, caring side of her in even more detail than he had had access to in their Who days. It really is quite nice, if only his back didn’t hurt so damn bloody much.

Alex ends the call and sits on the side of his bed with a gleeful smile on her face.

“What are you looking so happy about?” he asks.

She lifts a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, smiling innocently. “Oh, just looking forward to telling your mum what a whiny patient you’ve been.”

He gasps, offended. “I have not!”

“I was just joking,” she assures him with a laugh, tilting her head to the side as she looks at him, her smile growing fonder. “You’ve been a wonderful patient.”

He pouts. “Yes I have.”

“And a grown man too, I see,” she quips, standing up again.

“I’ll show you how grown I am, Kingston,” he says after her.

“Is that a promise?” She throws a look over her shoulder at him.

“Where are you going?” he asks, and she stops at the doorway to turn around and look at him.

“I thought we’d better eat some lunch. It’s already 3 o’clock,” she says.

“You’re still eating with me, right?” he asks expectantly.

“Where will I sit?”

He pats the empty space beside him on the bed. She cocks an eyebrow at him.

“You want to dirty your sheets with food and grease?” she asks skeptically.

“If that’s what it takes to get you into bed with me,” Matt answers suggestively, and she laughs in delight, shaking her head.

“Incorrigible,” she mutters, still smiling. “Alright. I’ll get the food. You sit tight.”

They end up spending the rest of the day together, in the bedroom. It’s so much fun being sick, Matt thinks, when Alex is around to joke and laugh with. She always maintains a certain distance from him, never getting too close physically, but he’s okay with that. It feels so natural, being with her like this - it comes so easily to both of them.

When it comes time to settle in for bed, the pout on his face is partly for her amusement, but mostly because he really is reluctant to let her go after spending a perfect day together. She laughs and places a kiss to his cheek, clearing the teacups she’d brought in earlier and heading towards the bedroom door.

“Don’t forget to use that ointment the doctor gave you,” she reminds as she exits, shutting the door behind her. Before it closes, he hears her speak again. “Shout if you need help!”

He rummages around on the nightstand for the tiny tube of ointment, kicking the sheets off of himself and sitting up so that he can apply it. Very carefully tugging his shirt up over his head and squeezing a little of the ointment onto his finger, he reaches behind him and tries finding the spot, sliding his finger across his back gingerly, knowing that once he finds it, a searing pain will shoot up his spine.

He doesn’t find the spot, so he tries again - squeezing a little more onto his finger and sliding it where he can reach. But he doesn’t find the spot.

Sighing in frustration, he almost gives up when Alex’s voice speaks up suddenly, out of the blue. “Need a little help there?”

Jumping a little and yelping in pain when his back shoots up straight, he turns to see Alex standing by the doorway, watching him silently. She bites her lip apologetically.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she says, stepping into the room. “I just thought you’d need help with the ointment, since -”

“Yes, I really do need help, thanks Alex,” he says through gritted teeth, his lower back feeling inflamed.

“Sorry,” she apologises again quietly, as she takes the tube from him.

“It’s okay. I didn’t see you there - I was concentrating on this and I couldn’t reach the bloody spot.” He sighs again, frustrated.

“It’s only for a few days. It’ll go away soon,” she says, trying to comfort him as she climbs onto the bed on her knees and goes behind him. “Let me know if I’m being too rough, alright?”

He nods, sucking in a deep breath to get ready for the pain that will surely come when she presses her fingers to his back.

But her touch is light and gentle, and as she swipes her fingers across the affected part of his back he only feels a bit of pain - significantly less than what he was preparing for. Releasing a little tension in his shoulders, he relaxes into the soothing stroke of her palm.

“Is that okay?” she asks softly, her breath right by his ear.

Not noticing the close proximity she’s in until now, Matt’s eyes shoot open and he immediately tenses again. He’d forgotten how much of an effect she always had on him, and having her touch his bare skin so tenderly, smooth strokes, made other parts of his body alert.

He swallows hard. “Ye-yeah. That’s-um, that’s good.” He clears his throat, hoping she doesn’t notice how his voice has gone all hoarse and throaty.

“Good,” she replies, her voice still soft.

He wishes he could see her face, wishes he could see if all the touching and the dark light and the soft voices are affecting her as much as they’re affecting him. She doesn’t stop stroking, though he can tell that every affected area has been covered by the ointment.

“Matt,” she whispers, and her mouth is right by his ear again. He can feel his heart thumping harder and harder against his chest, wondering what she’s about to do or say.

Instead, he feels her lips pressing slightly down on his shoulder, and he swears everything stops moving for a while. His heart stops, his brain stops and _time_ \- time stops, as she presses her mouth more insistently against his skin. He shivers involuntarily at her touch.

“Alex?” he asks, his voice hoarse.

She doesn’t do anything for a moment, and he fears that she’s regretting it - but she gets off the bed and stands in front of him. She smiles softly down at him, and he stares up in absolute awe of her.

“You’ve been so good to me these last few months,” she says softly, bringing a hand up to stroke through his hair gently. He leans in gratefully to her touch. “But you’ve been driving me absolutely crazy.”

“Alex?” he says again.

“I want you. I know you’re sick now, but I don’t just… want you _that_ way. I want you in - in every way I can have you, Matt,” she whispers, and she goes down on her knees to look up at him.

“ _Alex_ ,” he says, his heart is jumping out of his chest and he can’t help it because - _God_ , his every dream from the past seven years is coming true right now and he has no idea what to do except say her name. He feels like crying with joy - and the moment he thinks of that, tears fill his eyes.

“Is that - is that okay?” she asks tentatively. “Are you absolutely disgusted?”

“No!” he says hurriedly. “No, I’m not, I just - I didn’t think you’d - I -” he takes a deep breath and calms himself down before looking her directly in the eyes. “I want you too, Alex.”

She smiles. “Yeah?”

He nods. “Yeah.” He swallows and looks down at her lips before looking into her eyes again. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” she whispers, already leaning in.

He almost can’t believe it. It’s too good to be true; this must be a dream - but it isn’t. He leans in, and his lips touch hers and - and it’s so bloody perfect he could cry. The woman he’s been in love with for years and years - _here_ , in his bedroom, snogging _him_.

His hands move up to cup her cheeks as their lips move sweetly over one another. It’s everything he’s wanted and more - more than he ever thought it could be. His heart fills and bursts with joy and love and everything in between, and he can’t help the little moan that escapes his lips.

When they part, she rests her forehead on his and smiles brightly. He never wants that smile to disappear. He wants to keep it on her face and make sure she stays happy with him for the rest of their lives.

“You’re-” _perfect_ “-wonderful,” he says instead, swiping his thumb across her cheek. He can feel the painkillers setting in and he looks hopefully at the bed and back at her. “Stay with me? Just to sleep. We don’t need to do anything.”

She lights up at that. “I’d like that.”

She climbs into bed next to him, hugging his side but being careful not to apply too much pressure so that she doesn’t hurt him. He wishes he could turn and lay on his side so he can kiss her, or simply watch her.

“How long have you known?” he asks quietly, content to just stroke her hair in soothing motions.

“About a month,” she answers. “I just liked how you take care of me. And - and don’t get me wrong, I don’t _love_ you - well, not yet, but anyway - but I knew that I liked you and I wanted you. And I had no idea what to do about it.”

“So… what are we doing about it?”

“Do you… do you mind if we go slowly? I’m not really sure about anything yet and - and it’s really only been a few months since…” she trails off, but he knows exactly what she’s talking about. “Let’s just try things out, alright?”

“Yeah, of course - I’m… not sure either,” he says. He doesn’t know why he’s lying. He’ll figure that out tomorrow. Right now, his gut is telling him to agree with her. “But really, Kingston, I’m - you’re amazing.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, darling.” She smiles at him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

They fall asleep side by side, the first night of many.

*

Alex awakes early the next morning, still hugging Matt’s arm to her chest. She smiles, pressing a warm kiss to his shoulder before deciding to let him sleep off the painkillers and getting ready for the morning.

After making a morning cup of tea, watering the plants and changing into clothes appropriate for the day, she slides back into Matt’s bedroom, wondering if he’s woken up yet - she really wants those heavenly butter croissants from the bakery across the street. He still hasn’t, and she feels a little disappointment before she spots a small desk by the corner of the room.

Deciding to go without him, she approaches the desk to find some pen and paper, intending to leave a note for him in case he wakes up before she comes back. She rifles through the drawer, knocking aside some stationery, and finally pulls out a notepad - but hidden just under it sits an envelope with her name written on it in a messy scrawl.

_Alex Kingston_

_My love_

She frowns at it. _My love_. What exactly was this?

She reaches out to touch it but hesitates for a moment, wondering if it’s something private meant for Matt’s eyes only. She peeks over the desk, wondering if he’s woken up yet, but he’s still snoring softly.

She looks back down and, curiosity overtaking her, picks the envelope up. Inside it is a one page letter, and more of Matt’s scrawl - messier than usual - appears before her. It’s a long page, clearly written by an unsteady hand. She can make out stains on the paper and she spots where ink is smudged by liquid - like tears.

Looking up to make sure that Matt is still fast asleep, she reads through the letter quickly.

_My love,_

_You were never really mine. And now, I suppose you never will be. I regret never telling you this, Alex, but now I will. Now I’ll tell you everything I never let myself say when I find myself alone with you. Now I’ll let every fear, every doubt, every excuse go because - it’s too late. You’re happy. With someone else._

_My heart aches with love for you. I live for the times I see you smile and hear you laugh. I wish I could tell you how happy merely being in your presence makes me. I wish I could show you how much I cherish you._

_I’ve waited too long - it’s my own damn fault, I know. I should’ve told you sooner, but I was a coward. And I’m sorry. You deserve this, Alex. You deserve to be happy with someone you love. It just breaks my heart that it isn’t me._

_I’ve been in love with you since - since forever. Since I first heard your voice. Since I first made you laugh. Since I first kissed you, that time on set, in front of all those cameras. Since Australia, since New York, since Utah - since Cardiff. And I will always love you._

_I know you’ll never read this. But I had to finally get it off my chest. I love you, Alex Kingston. I know you’ve found the love of your life. But just know that you’re the love of mine._

_Yours forever,_

_Matt_

“You were never meant to read that,” Matt’s voice interrupts her, and she looks up at him, a tear escaping her eye. He sits up in bed, casting a glance at the letter in her hands. “I’m sorry. I can explain, I-”

“You love me,” she states, her voice shaking just a bit.

“Yes,” he answers, even though it wasn’t a question. He looks her in the eye and decides that now’s the time - he can’t lie to her. “Seven years.”

“You never said,” she says, looking down at the letter again. “Do you- do you still feel the same?”

He smiles a little hopelessly. “I always will.”

“I-I thought you were just - all those times, I-” She swallows. “I always _thought_ or-or _suspected_... but I had no idea you really felt like this.”

“I hope this doesn’t change anything from last night,” he says quietly. “Though I would understand if it did.”

She stays quiet for a while, and he can’t bear to look at her anymore, knowing that he’s ruined everything he’s ever wanted. He looks down at his lap, tears clouding his eyes. He’d been _so close_.

“It doesn’t,” she says finally. He looks up, hope rushing quickly back into him. She smiles weakly at him. “I think… it makes it better.”

“It does?”

“I-I’ve always wanted to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, you know,” she starts, moving away from the desk and approaching the bed. She sits beside him and her hand finds his, holding on tightly. “I’ve always known that I just had too much _love_ inside me for just myself and Salome. And-and I always imagined that I’d get a fairytale ending. But fairytale princesses never really know their princes, do they? They think the first person to come across their path, the first man to save them, is their knight in shining armour.”

“Are you saying I’m _not_ your knight in shining armour?” he says, partly because he’s offended but mostly to break the tension in the air between them.

She laughs. “More like the animal companion,” she teases.

“Hey! Now what does that say about you?” he says indignantly, reaching over with his free hand to poke her side.

She squirms but she doesn’t back away, laughing hard. After a while, she trails off and becomes serious again.

“I always hoped that you felt that way too,” she confesses. He smiles brightly up at her - God, he feels so happy he could just float. “But I never let myself think too much about it because you’re just - well, you’re unattainable, really - and there’s no way I could ever deserve you -”

He shakes his head and interrupts her by placing a finger on her lips, effectively stopping her mid-sentence.

“Do you know why I kept quiet all those years, Alex?” he asks her quietly, his tone serious. Eyes wide, she shakes her head. “Because I knew that there was no way, not in a million years, that I could ever deserve _you_.”

He keeps quiet for a moment, letting that sink into her slowly. She leans up to press a kiss to his lips and leans her forehead on his shoulder.

“You’re wrong,” she says quietly against him.

“Agree to disagree,” he answers back, feeling her lips curve into a smile against his skin. “I just want you to know that I won’t push you. I know everything you said yesterday still applies and I’m okay with that.”

“You are?” she asks, lifting her head a little to look up at him.

He looks down at her. “There’s no way I’m doing anything to lose you, Alex.”

She looks at him and so many emotions pass by her features that it seems almost impossible to catch - but he sees disbelief, awe, attraction and love before she leans up to attack his lips in a fierce, passionate kiss. She kisses him like that’s the only thing she wants to be doing for the rest of time, pressing her lips insistently against his and moaning as their tongues stroke each other’s. She wraps her arms around his neck and climbs onto his lap, still mindful of the injury on his back as she does.

When they part, they’re both breathless and he realises that she has tears in her eyes again. He cups her cheeks in his hands and presses two tender kisses to her eyes as she sighs, feeling nothing but deep contentment in her heart.

“So, are you satisfied with your ending?” he asks seriously.

She looks down at him. Same old, reliable Matt. _Her_ Matt.

“Yes, I quite think I am, actually,” she says confidently.

His smile is covered by her own as she leans down to kiss him.

 


End file.
